Saturday, July 28, 2012

Positive?! Wait, WHAT??!!

The day I found out I was pregnant, I had a complete and total out-of-control panic attack! haha It was on a Monday afternoon, April 2nd to be exact, at around 3:30 pm when I decided to ask my neighbor if she had any prego tests left. (she is in my ward and is about 6 weeks ahead of me) I don't know why I even asked, I still had a day or two before I was late, and after 3 years of this, I knew better than to test before I was late. I'm actually surprised I tested at all. My good friend flo had been notorious for being late and I usually just waited it out.
For those who haven't experienced infertility, there comes a point when you just kinda give up hope and either stop testing, (me) or just expect the negatives everytime.
Anyways, so I walked across the street and took the one test she had left and walked calmly home. Like I said, I seriously don't understand why I felt the need to test yet, I just KNEW it was gonna be negative. Again. SO! I go and do my business and set my nicely pee soaked stick on the side of the tub and wait a minute. Of course I look at it before I'm supposed to, and see a big fat PLUS SIGN!

I literally can't even explain the irrational things that happened next... haha I IMMEDIATELY started to ball my eyes out and found that I couldn't breathe. I stared into the mirror like my image was gonna console me or something, LOL yeah right. I was a HOT MESS within seconds. And because I was in full blown panic attack and not thinking rationally at all, of course I run across the street to my other neighbor's house with pee stick in hand and pound on her door looking a fool. When she opened it (terrified cause her daughter was playing with someone and she heard running footsteps) all I could slur out was "It's positive!!!"
She knew how long we had been trying and we had become pretty close friends, (until she MOVED to Dallas last month! :( boo!) so she brought me inside and hugged me and talked me down.

Bryce was in Georgia at the time for about 3 weeks so she asked if I had called him yet, I said no and she laughed and told me to go home and call my husband. When I called him, he was dead asleep since he was on the night shift and wasn't really all there. His exact words were, "yeaaahh....... that's how we doooo!!!...." hahaha He then told me he had to go back to sleep and so we hung up. I then called my momma and told her in tears and told her to keep it to herself for now. I also told her about Bryce's reaction. I said, "I think he'll call me tonight and tell me about a crazy dream he had." It was hilarious.
Thankfully, Bryce woke up a little and immediately texted me to "CALL ME NOW" :) I called him and he was absolutely in shock. He just kept asking me to repeat it and how many tests I had taken and telling me to take more.

From day one, we have been so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to become parents. I had some insane anxiety in the beginning, but it is so much better now and I am mostly just excited. Bryce has been amazing! He reads pregnancy blogs and articles and is so involved. During our ultrasounds he has smiles plastered on his face and at the last one he was floored at how much she had grown in 6 weeks! :) I love watching his reactions and I can't wait to see him hold her and kiss her.  
For now, I just try to ignore the fact that he's leaving almost immediately after she's born for 9 months, and focus on being grateful that he'll be there for her birth. He gets to meet her and hold her and that's what matters for now. We will just have to invest in a good camera to take videos to send to daddy and take pictures all the time!

Not a day goes by that I don't acknowledge how blessed we are to be able to start our family. The timing may not be ideal, and I may lose my mind sending my husband on deployment, moving across the country, and only being about 2-4 weeks post-partum in all of it, but I am trying to have faith that this is the Lord's plan for us. It will all work out! And hey, how hard can it be with a precious, new, yummy baby staring up at you?? :)

Here's some ultrasound pictures and some "bump" pictures from the last few weeks. :)

12 week cutie pie

14 weeks

18 weeks

our doctor told us she is 99% sure it's a girl and her nurse said she's never been wrong :)

sweet little fist!

19 weeks and I had to PEE somethin fierce!!! haha that's the only time I actually look pregnant

21 weeks!

i feel like i just look "chubby" in the tummy, but it's finally coming along!

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